Take My Life...Please!

For The Simpsons episode, see Take My Life, Please. For the CSI episode, see Take My Life, Please!

"Take My Life...Please!"
The Twilight Zone episode
Episode no.	Season 1 Episode 22a
Directed by	Gus Trikonis
Written by	Gordon Mitchell
Original air date	March 28, 1986
Guest appearance(s)
Tim Thomerson: Billy Diamond Ray Buktenica: Max Xander Berkeley: Dave Jim McKrell: Marty
Episode chronology

"Take My Life...Please!" is the first segment of the twenty-second episode of the first season (1985–86) of the American television series The Twilight Zone.

Plot

Billy Diamond (Tim Thomerson), a successful stand-up comedian, steals the "Gorilla Banana" routine from Dave (Xander Berkeley), another comedian, and performs it on a TV talk show, to huge success, enhancing his own career; unfortunately, Dave believes that he can never do the Gorilla Banana routine again.

While driving away from the TV studio, Billy is ambushed by Dave, who threatens him with a pistol. Dave attempts to get money from Billy to make up for stealing his act, but Billy tries driving the car crazy to distract Dave. A fight breaks out and the car crashes.

Billy finds himself in the afterlife, which resembles the backstage area of an extremely sleazy nightclub. His new agent, Max, explains he must go audition on stage, and that his performance will determine whether he goes to heaven or hell. A stage manager pushes him out onto a stage in front of a bored-looking audience. When Billy tells conventional jokes, the audience grows hostile and they taunt him with remarks such as "tell us about how your mother died." In order to make the audience laugh, Billy must humiliate himself by recounting all the most shameful and degrading incidents of his life. This produces laughter from the audience. As he escapes the stage at the end of the set, traumatized by what he has had to reveal, he is told that his act is a massive hit...and that he must spend eternity exposing his shameful acts forever.

Closing narration

“

Let's hear it for him, ladies and gentlemen. A big hand for Billy Diamond, a mad-cap kind of guy who'll make you laugh until it hurts, late of Hollywood and Las Vegas, now leaving 'em rolling in the aisles...of the Twilight Zone.

”

External links

The Twilight Zone (1985) episodes

Season 1	"Shatterday" "A Little Peace and Quiet" "Wordplay" "Dreams for Sale" "Chameleon" "Healer" "Children's Zoo" "Kentucky Rye" "Little Boy Lost" "Wish Bank" "Nightcrawlers" "If She Dies" "Ye Gods" "Examination Day" "A Message from Charity" "Teacher's Aide" "Paladin of the Lost Hour" "Act Break" "The Burning Man" "Dealer's Choice" "Dead Woman's Shoes" "Wong's Lost and Found Emporium" "The Shadow Man" "The Uncle Devil Show" "Opening Day" "The Beacon" "One Life, Furnished in Early Poverty" "Her Pilgrim Soul" "I of Newton" "Night of the Meek" "But Can She Type?" "The Star" "Still Life" "The Little People of Killany Woods" "The Misfortune Cookie" "Monsters!" "A Small Talent for War" "A Matter of Minutes" "The Elevator" "To See the Invisible Man" "Tooth and Consequences" "Welcome to Winfield" "Quarantine" "Gramma" "Personal Demons" "Cold Reading" "The Leprechaun-Artist" "Dead Run" "Profile in Silver" "Button, Button" "Need to Know" "Red Snow" "Take My Life...Please!" "Devil's Alphabet" "The Library" "Shadow Play" "Grace Note" "A Day in Beaumont" "The Last Defender of Camelot"

Season 2	"The Once and Future King" "A Saucer of Loneliness" "What Are Friends For?" "Aqua Vita" "The Storyteller" "Nightsong" "The After Hours" "Lost and Found" "The World Next Door" "The Toys of Caliban" "The Convict's Piano" "The Road Less Traveled" "The Card" "The Junction" "Joy Ride" "Shelter Skelter" "Private Channel" "Time and Teresa Golowitz" "Voices in the Earth" "Song of the Younger World" "The Girl I Married"

Season 3	"The Curious Case of Edgar Witherspoon" "Extra Innings" "The Crossing" "The Hunters" "Dream Me a Life" "Memories" "The Hellgramite Method" "Our Selena Is Dying" "The Call" "The Trance" "Acts of Terror" "20/20 Vision" "There Was an Old Woman" "The Trunk" "Appointment on Route 17" "The Cold Equations" "Stranger in Possum Meadows" "Street of Shadows" "Something in the Walls" "A Game of Pool" "Room 2426" "The Mind of Simon Foster" "The Wall" "Cat and Mouse" "Rendezvous in a Dark Place" "Many, Many Monkeys" "Love is Blind" "Crazy as a Soup Sandwich" "Special Service" "Father and Son Game"

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