Star Warp'd

Not to be confused with Star Warped, the computer program.
Not to be confused with Star Warped, the novel.
Star Warp'd
Directed by Pete Schuermann
Produced by John Schuermann
Milko Davis
Written by John Schuermann
Milko Davis
Starring Jeff Walters
David Carty
Distributed by Synapse Films
Release dates
 2001
Running time
 32 min
Language English

Star Warp'd is a 2001 American claymation parody film, directed by Pete Schuermann. The film's plot is a combination of famous science fiction movies, done in a parodic manner. The film was released direct to video by Synapse Films. An extra on the DVD claims that a sequel is on the way, but as of May, 2012, it has yet to be released. However, because this is a parody, it is possible they were joking about the sequel.

Plot

The film begins off with a Star Wars-styled title crawl. After the credits, the film cuts to the USS Consolationprize (EEK-U812) being attacked by a spacecraft resembling a Star Destroyer. We are then introduced to the ship's crew, Captain Kwirk and Mr. Spuck. A menacing figure named Dark Vapor then appears telling them that they are to be captured as part of the Rebellious Alliance. Upon realizing that the rest of the crew won't appear due to budget cuts, they escape in a shuttlecraft, and land on Earth, in the year 2001. They climb over a ridge to find a monolith, which belongs to a cigar-smoking Star Child. He says his monolith is broken and the universe is falling apart because of it. He states it's up to Kwirk and Spuck to repair it. They are also told that the dark smell of the force wants to steal the monolith for its power. But both sides can summon any warrior from any universe (with Mr. Spuck's "tape recorder") to help their side of the fight.

Later that night, the two arrive in Plastic City, and meet their first opponent, the Schwartzenator. In response, they summon RoboFuzz to combat him. Neither side is victorious. After that, Dark Vapor summons The Carnivore. Spuck responds by summoning N.T. the Non-Terrestrial. N.T. is the victor. Dark Vapor then summons Uglien, although he is easily distracted by an ice cream cone, which Spuck seemingly pulls out of his behind. Right as Spuck and Kwirk believe that they are victorious, the monolith is stolen by Darth Vapor's henchman, Mini-Maul (A play on Darth Maul and Mini-me), flying his Bow-Tie Fighter. Kwirk and Spuck secretly follow him onto Dark Vapor's starship, where a fight ensues. Meanwhile, Kwirk's mechanic, Mr. Squatty realizes the monolith's battery died and it just needed a jump start. The monolith is then repaired, and Captain Kwirk dispatches Mini-Maul by knocking him down into a pit of what appears to be liquid feces. Meanwhile, Mr. Spuck dispatches the rest of Vapor's henchmen in an asteroid field with a 12-gauge shotgun. Kwirk is reunited on the Consolationprize with Spuck, and he makes the discovery that the enemies' designation is pure gas. They dispatch Dark Vapor by launching a missile into his ship. With evil now vanquished, Captain Kwirk wonders why RoboFuzz and N.T. have not been returned to their respective universes. The Star Child then appears on their screen, and informs them that they have yet to battle the true evil, and to defeat it they must unite with their enemies. Kwirk, Spuck, Vapor, and Mini-Maul are then transported to a desert wasteland, where they meet Jar Jar Sucks. For a reason they can't explain, they all suddenly feel pure hatred toward him, and attack. They tie him up with his own tongue, and throw him over a cliff. The Star Child then informs them that their duties are done, and they are sent back to their respective universes, "until the sequel".

Spoofs

Cast

Sequel?

An extra on the Star Warp'd DVD claims there will be a sequel to Star Warp'd and included the first few minutes of the film.

Endorphin, the home planet to the Ewoquis is under attack. Just as the crew of the Consolationprize (who are now back, presumably due to a higher budget), arrive, the planet is destroyed by a giant ship resembling a cross between the Death Star and an anus. Captain Kwirk is shocked when Dark Vapor appears on screen, telling them that he's headed for Earth. The ship then speeds away. Just then Captain Kwirk receives an E-Mail that reads, "I Love You". Despite Mr. Spuck's warnings, he opens it, and is sucked through hyperspace ending up in a white room very similar to The Matrix. There he meets Morpheus, who presents him with two pills. The red pill will keep the story going, while the blue pill will end the story, and shelf the sequel. The preview then ends with Kwirk looking at the audience and asking "What the fu..."

An extra on the Flashback Entertainment release of the Star Warp'd DVD contains a bonus film called 'STAR WARP'd: Episode 2.1 - THE GOOD, THE BAD & The EWOQIS', which features the planet Endorphin (from the above preview) under attack by Chicken Walkers and troopers and the crew of the Consolationprize being informed of this via a distress call. The film ends with the Consolationprize entering Warp Speed to quickly get to the planet to investigate who's responsible for the attacks, which is to be continued in 'Episode 2.2... VINI, VIDI, VAPOR (I Came, I Saw, I Farted!!)'

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