Guy Secretan

Dr Guillaume Valery "Guy" Secretan is a character in the British sitcom Green Wing, played by Stephen Mangan. In Channel 4's The World's Greatest Comedy Characters, Guy was voted 34th.^[1]

History

Guy is an anaesthetist working at East Hampton Hospital. He was born in Switzerland. His father was Fabien Leclerq, a skiing instructor from Gstaad. His mother is Joanna Clore, director of human resources at the same hospital, who had sex with Leclercq as a 15-year-old exchange student, but abandoned Guy when he was two days old.

He lived in Switzerland until he was four with his adopted father, who worked for the Gnomes of Zurich (who Guy seems to think are a family of bankers akin to the Rothschilds). From there he moved to London, and to Whiteleaf Public School, where he stayed for twelve years (1977–1990), an experience he hated.

It is believed that while there he invented the sport of Guyball which seems to be named after him, though he has never admitted to doing so. The object of the game is to throw balls in a "Topmiler", a wicker basket on top of a leather flying helmet.

His personal life is well known around the hospital. He is an egotistical lothario, having slept with several people in the hospital, including staff liaison officer Sue White, Naughty Rachel who works in human resources, Dr. "Mac" Macartney's ex-girlfriend Holly Hawkes (they slept together before she and Mac became a couple), and even accidentally sleeping with his mother Joanna, before discovering that they were mother and son.

After he discovered that he had unintentionally committed incest, Guy stole an ambulance in a drunken rage, taking Martin Dear and Mac with him, and almost drove them over a cliff. The incident resulted in Guy losing his driving licence, as well as being temporarily suspended from work.

Guy keeps a league table of the female members of staff, rating their appearance, nature and sexiness. He also once objected to resuscitating a woman with A-Cup size breasts. According to junior doctor Boyce, Guy thought that it was "Not worth saving less than a handful".

One person with whom Guy had been persistently romantically unsuccessful was with surgical registrar Dr. Caroline Todd. On Caroline's first day at the hospital, Guy invited her over to his flat (22 Eagle House) claiming, falsely, that he had a spare room. Guy failed in his attempt to sleep with her, but that did not stop him from spreading rumours to the contrary. However, Guy later developed true love for Caroline. She understood his traumatic childhood, claiming the reason he never wears a mask during operations was because he had an emotional mask; protecting his true feelings.

He has also later moved in as Caroline's lodger after Dr. Angela Hunter left. During this time, Guy's feelings for Caroline grew, even throwing a Swiss Army knife at Jake Leaf so he wouldn't kiss Caroline while they were on a date, with the knife stabbing Jake in the head.

Guy then managed to propose to Caroline, which she accepted. However, as a gesture of goodwill, Guy allowed Mac to marry Caroline before Mac died. Guy would then marry Caroline after Mac's death. After he made this announcement, he was somewhat shocked by the fact he did something good. Guy was Mac's best man at the wedding.

Relationships

Mac

Guy and Mac act as rivals and have a love–hate relationship, but in reality are best friends. They often argue over which of them is better, and who the surgical team belongs to, Guy or Mac. Guy even eats instant coffee to prove he is better than Mac. They also play games such as 'The Spoon of Destiny' to see who is the greatest. Guy even plays Battleships with Mac while he is in coma. Their biggest bet involves Joanna, and Mac bets his first month's consultancy wage that Guy cannot sleep with her. He does so, and films it, which leads to the stolen ambulance scenario when Martin tells him that Joanna is actually his mother. Sue White also gets hold of the tape and uses it to blackmail Guy into sabotaging Caroline and Mac's relationship.

Guy's romantic feelings for Caroline is the only serious threat to his friendship with Mac, for instance telling Mac that him and Caroline hated each other after Mac lost his memory (albeit being blackmailed by Sue, Mac believed he did it because he wanted Caroline for himself). Although Guy rarely shows any emotion, he seemed genuinely horrified when Mac told him of his terminal illness. Boyce even persuaded him to give up his marriage with Caroline and do the right thing, so for the first time ever Guy did the right thing and told Caroline to marry Mac before he died. Guy was the best man at the wedding.

Caroline

Guy finds Caroline attractive, and tries to sleep with her on her first day of work. However, his attempts do not work and despite also spreading rumours about it to the staff, Caroline makes him sign a confession of truth and pins it to the noticeboard. Caroline finds Guy annoying, but in time she becomes more tolerant with him, even kissing him at her house warming party. He persuades her to go to the countryside with him and ends up making a scene, and he also lies about himself to seem more endearing to her, such as telling her he loves children and can't wait to be a dad.

Guy becomes Caroline's new lodger after Angela leaves, and tries to prevent her from dating anyone, even stabbing someone. When she brings Jake Leaf back, he throws a Swiss Army Knife at him from an upstairs window, stabbing him in the head. Caroline and Guy also kiss after playing poker, and Caroline finds herself enjoying it. Caroline is also the only person who understands Guy's troubled childhood and his inner anxieties. When Guy asks Caroline to marry him, she says she will think about it. Later in the day, when she is supposed to be meeting Mac at the train station, it is Guy that she meets, and because Mac had seemingly stood her up, she decided to marry Guy. However, when Mac later returns and tells Guy he is dying, Guy selflessly asks Caroline to marry him, instead.

Sue

Guy and Sue appear to hate each other. On one occasion, Guy enters Sue's office and says "You know what I like about you? Fuck all." and then leaves without letting her speak. Guy accidentally reveals to Caroline that he and Sue once slept together. Sue is particularly cruel in her psychological torture of Guy, resulting in him being outspokenly aggressive towards her whenever he meets her.

Sue has before had the upper hand over Guy, for instance when she bought him in a slave auction and forced him to wear a blonde wig and pretend to be Mac. She also once had the sex tape of Guy and Joanna in her possession and used it to blackmail Guy into breaking up Caroline's relationship with Mac, but he did not succeed, as Boyce told Mac he and Caroline actually got on.

Martin

Guy bullies Martin. He sometimes randomly picks up Martin and throws him to the ground. He often refers to him as "Fartin". He usually teases Martin and often tells him he looks like a vole, as well as making obnoxious and personal comments about him, but it does not seem to offend Martin. He also gives Martin surreal and useless advice, and even lies to Martin, telling him that he'd passed his exams, when he had in fact failed. Guy also persuaded Martin to drink his urine, claiming "drink my pee, pull like me" when Martin was having trouble flirting with women. However, it was not Guy's urine, Guy had taken it from the pathology lab. He also steals Martin's food, usually secretly taking his yoghurt from the fridge, or his chips right off his plate. One day Martin gets mashed potatoes in an attempt to ward off Guy, but Guy takes it anyway. Guy continued to bully Martin after finding out they were half-brothers.

Joanna

Though they rarely spoke, Joanna was quick to agree to sleep with Guy when he offered. Guy offered because of a bet between him and Mac that he couldn't pull Joanna. He takes Joanna back to his flat and has sex with her, but earlier in the day Martin had accidentally opened his letter that stated his biological parents, one of which being Joanna. Martin considers going to Switzerland to re-post the letter, but later just tries to stop him before it's too late, but is unsuccessful. This leads to the ambulance incident.

Afterwards, they try to avoid each other, but Joanna has to be present at Guy's tribunal. During the tribunal, Guy mentions that "On the plus side, I should be getting my Noel Coward style dressing gown back", a remark which makes Joanna bang her head on the table in distress. The horror of the incident causes Guy to make frequent freudian slips whenever he encounters her afterwards.

Other Relationships

Guy hates Alan, but he is friends with the HR staff, Angela and Boyce. He has had sexual relationships with many of the hospital staff, including Naughty Rachel from HR.

See also

• Guyball

References

1. ↑ "The World's Greatest Comedy Characters". 2007-04-14.  Missing or empty |series= (help)

External links

• Green Wing microsite biography